The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Cranium

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze great sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries tremendous meaning and effects.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be great also).

B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally tough to site here withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in powerful feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, closeness, love, and well-being .

When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They most likely would not admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, states that a lot of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males especially in cities, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sex. Lots of gay guys wish to find out from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if Going Here the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".

However, North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow over time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with common sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention more info here to your vision, values, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!

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